How to Quickly Create New Habits in Your Life
January 26, 2012
A friend of mine mentioned that she was having trouble getting in the habit of going to the gym every morning, so I promised an explanation of how I have created so many beneficial habits in my life in the past year. I thought that the email that I sent her might actually be useful for others who are having the same type of issue. Not that anybody out there has trouble creating habits that improve their life at all.
My email is below…
My reading of the latest research says that forming a habit comes down to three things (with an optional fourth):
- Turning that habit in to a precise behavior (instead of “I want to get in shape”, “I want to go to the gym 3x per week”).
- Deciding on an “anchor” for that behavior within your life. The anchor point determines the behavior that immediately precedes the new behavior: “After I brush my teeth upon waking on M/W/F I will put on my gym clothes and walk to the front door to leave”)
- Repeatedly be triggered to perform that behavior at the right anchor point
- (Optional) To really make it stick, it helps to create (social) accountability around that behavior
There are a bunch of tools to do this. If the habit is small, start with BJ Fogg’s latest research project, called “Tiny Habits” (http://tinyhabits.com/). Joining BJ’s project is the easiest and best way for you to get a really solid understanding of how to form interesting habits in your own life and perform the first two steps.
- Decide what the target behavior is. (I like the one I chose above, but it could be anything: “”)
- Decide on the anchor point in your life. An example could be: “When I get in my car to leave the office, I will drive to the gym and walk in the front door”. (Notice that your goal doesn’t have to be related to actually working out: if you walk in the front door, you’re likely to, but you may just walk right out again. This is what BJ Fogg calls “baby steps” – we don’t have to do the entire behavior, just the part of it that is cognitively easy enough to create the habit)
- Set a trigger to remind you at that time where you’re going. Could be one of the services above (that work by email), a calendar reminder, or a sticky note on your steering wheel. As long as you’re reminded close to the time that you actually leave the office.
- If you want to make it even more likely, find something to hold you accountable: it could be a workout buddy or someone else who you want to impress, it could be your entire Facebook friend list, or it could be one of the services above.
Maturity and Business
February 3, 2011
I wrote recently on Maturity and the way I’ve been trying to view my life lately.
The place that I’ve found this thinking most interesting is in conceiving of my businesses (esp. THA). It’s easiest to try to solve most of our business problems in the frame of “what’s best for us right now?”. Especially in technology, which is so driven by quick-return venture capital (where we expect an exit in no longer than 3-5 years), this type of thinking is endemic. We live and die by the quarterly numbers. The most forward-thinking of us try to think 9-12 months out. Sometimes, our roadmaps extend a whopping 18-24 months. But that’s it.
And that’s a sure way to make decisions that are bad. My experience with venture capital driven businesses has been almost universally bad – the decisions that the VCs (or their hand-picked executive teams) made were almost universally oriented toward a quick exit, and, most often, in diametric opposition to what would have been done if the company had been managed with an eye toward building a long-term sustainable and profitable business. I’m not the only one with this experience - Inc published a great article about this a few years ago on Friendster that was eye-opening to me when I first read it.
Lately, I’ve been trying to conceive of our businesses in a more long-term way. I’ve been trying to think about it the way that (I imagine) we conceived of businesses 100 years ago – not as something with a quick exit, but as something that would have to feed our family for the rest of our lives. The questions I’ve been asking myself are oriented toward that sort of thinking:
- What would we be doing if our goal was to be most profitable 10 years from now?
- What is single thing that we can do as a business to make our customers’ lives better in 36 months?
- How can we best reinvest profits today to triple or quadruple them down the road?
The thing is, this wasn’t the type of business thinking that I’ve been taught how to do. Nor do I know anybody else who is. Every time I read the typical business book, they’re like reading diet books: GET RICH NOW WITH NO EFFORT AND NO ENERGY! And I love that kind of business book. But nowhere are they trying to teach you how to create something sustainable that adds real value over the long term.
If anybody out there reading this one has any advice on building a company that’s sustainable and profitable on a 50-year time scale, I’m all ears. Because, other than some of the old articles about how the Japanese created 100 year plans, I can’t really find anything that gives good advice on this one.
What is it to be Mature?
February 1, 2011
I was having a conversation with a friend the other night about maturity and social connection. We tossed around the question of what it is to be “mature”. According to Wikipedia, maturity is “how a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate and adaptive manner…. Maturity also encompasses being aware of the correct time and place to behave and knowing when to act appropriately, according to the situation”.
I have trouble with that definition, as I don’t believe that maturity is driven by the results of one’s decisions but by the cause. As I get older, I look around and I see striking differences between what drives the actions of those around me. A lot of my friends act in a way that would be considered incredibly mature – they’re stable, responsible, and stoic. They pay their bills on time, they manage to raise their kids not to become sociopaths, and they go to work every day. They have faithful long-term relationships and they save for retirement and for a rainy day.
Yet I see a difference in what’s creating that behavior. Some of those friends are driven to their “mature” behavior by personal insecurities and fears that aren’t much more sophisticated than the six-year-old who is terrified of the monsters under his bed. They save money (for example) not because they want to be profitable and well taken care of in their old age, but because they’re terrified that tomorrow, someone’s going to take it all away from them. They’re faithful to their wives not because they’re building a relationship that will be fulfilling in the long-term, but because they’re afraid of the horrors that will befall them if they cheat.
And I have a problem with the idea that maturity is all about social norms of behavior… because some of the most mature and wise people I know are ones who defy conventional definitions of “being a grown-up” at every turn.
So, I’ve been playing around with a different definition in my life and trying to see how that definition affects the way that I live. Maturity, in this working definition, is a sliding scale – not a state to be achieved. The scale is simple: maturity is directly proportional the timescale that we consider in making the decisions of our day-to-day lives.
If we think about the least mature among us (e.g. the above-mentioned six-year-old), it should be obvious that most of his/her decisions/thoughts are made on a short time-scale. I’m hungry now, so I eat. I’m not happy with you because you won’t give me ice cream, so I hate you forever. (The psychologists call this an inability to delay gratification.)
If we look at those who we consider the most wise and the most mature, we see a different time-scale in action in their behavior. As an example, I looked up some quotes from the Dalai Lama (who I would think most would agree to be a pretty mature guy). What amazed me about that page is the number of quotes about the future – and not just his own personal future, but the future of our species. He thinks about the world not in terms only of “when I grow up”, but “when I’m no longer here”. As an example:
“If you must be selfish, then be wise and not narrow-minded in your selfishness. The key point lies in the sense of universal responsibility. That is the real source of strength, the real source of happiness. If we exploit everything available, such as trees, water and minerals, and if we don´t plan for our next generation, for the future, then we´re at fault, aren´t we? However, if we have a genuine sense of universal responsibility as our central motivation, then our relations with the environment, and with all our neighbours, will be well balanced.”
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately – how would my life be different if, in each moment, I was making decisions with an eye not toward what feels good now, but what would be the best for me in 10 years. Or 20 years. Or what would be best for those around me on the day of my death. Or 100 years after I’m dead. How would each decision I make be different?
And I’ve been finding that it leads to a different way of looking at my life. One that I’m beginning to quite like. (Although, I have to say, it starts to make most US political debates look pretty ridiculous, given that the time scale of their thinking is never more than about 2 years long… which probably maps pretty well to the time scale of the “average” American these days…)
As a reader, do you think about what time scale you make decisions on? How do you make decisions around your finances, your relationships, your health and your career?